You have captured the survivor experience with an understanding only God could have given to you. Your CD comforts, encourages, and educates – throughout. “Chaos” describes the survivor’s healing journey with great insight.
Physical Copy
COTH-Physical
$12.97
This unique, award-winning CD sensitively captures the wide range of emotions experienced in the family and the church in the aftermath of a suicide. Chaos of the Heart offers the hope and assurance of a God who is big enough to handle our honesty when the pain feels unbearable. It also thoughtfully addresses the often-misrepresented issue of the afterlife for one who has taken their life.
A discussion guide is available for small groups.
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Music Previews and Lyrics
Chaos of the Heart
Chaos of the Heart
Words & Music by Tony Wood & Steve Siler
I’ll never pass that park again
And not think of you
And I have to drive that street again
Each day a time or two
And every rainy night in August
Every gunshot on TV
Every phone call after midnight
Brings it all back home to me
CHORUS
And I’m sorry and I’m sad
and I’m hurting and I’m mad
and I love you and I hate you
and it makes me feel so bad
The good is stained with evil
They cannot be pulled apart
Is there any healing from
This chaos of the heart
Every thought of you is painful
Every choice seems half a lie
Every memory a reminder
You didn’t have to die
Sometimes it’s hard to blame you
You were desperate for some peace
But your death is an indictment
And for me there’s no release
CHORUS
Why do I feel guilty?
Will I ever find relief?
Cause…
CHORUS
Healing’s slow to come
From this chaos of the heart
© Row J, Seat 9 Songs / New Spring-Publishing ASCAP / Silerland Music ASCAP (administered by the Copyright Company)
How Could You
How Could You
Words & Music by John Mandeville & Steve Siler
Psalm 88
What kind of God would let this happen?
How could you be so unfair?
You’re the one whose love
is supposed to be enough
It feels like you don’t even care
I thought that I could trust you
I thought I knew what you were like
What did I do to deserve
this cruel relentless hurt
this bottomless void in my life
How could you?
How could you?
How could you ?
How could you?
Why didn’t you step in and stop this?
How could you bring me so much pain?
In my deepest hour of need why did you abandon me?
With nothing but your silence to embrace
How could you?
How could you?
How could you?
How could you?
I’m the Lord your God who loves you
Your rage is safe with me
I will never leave you
I’ll meet you where you’ll meet me
Tell me everything you’re feeling
You can’t make me turn away
Let me have your anger
There’s all kinds of ways to pray
Talk to me
© Dayspring Music ( A div. Of Word Music ) / Lehsem Music
Every Single Tear
Every Single Tear
Words & Music by Scott Krippayne & Steve Siler
You feel insignificant
A whisper in the wind
Sometimes you think nobody knows your name
But there’s somebody watching over you
and He knows everything you’re going through
He sees every single tear
He feels everything you’re feeling
He wants to hold you close and dry your eyes
Your heart is what he hears
When the world just hears you crying
No matter what the pain, He cares
about every single tear
Overwhelmed by circumstances
out of your control
Hope can be the hardest thing to find
When you’re like a heart without a home
You don’t have to face this hurt alone
CHORUS
If God adorns the Lilies of the field
and cares for every sparrow in the sky
How much more is He aware of your sorrow and despair
How much does He care about your life
CHORUS
© BMG Songs/Above The Rim Music/ Lehsem Music ASCAP
Keep Breathing
Keep Breathing
Words & Music by Scott Krippayne & Steve Siler
Sometimes it feels like the sun will never rise
Like the birds will never sing again
The night is dark, not one star in the sky
and no one you can call a friend
In so deep
It feels like you are drowning
So afraid
You can hardly catch your breath
Keep breathing
Take it in and let it out
Keep Breathing
It’s gonna be OK
Believe in
A power greater than what you are going through
When you don’t know what to do
Keep Breathing
You know the one that reaches through the hurt
A comfort for the broken heart
But in this place even prayers are painful
Life isn’t ‘sposed to be this hard
When relief is more than you can hope for
And the wounds seem deeper than your faith
CHORUS
Don’t give up
Even though you want to
Don’t give in
You’ve already come this far
It’s alright
The Lord knows what you’re needing
And he’ll meet you where you are, just
CHORUS
© 2002 Word Music/Fifty States Music/ Chips and Salsa Songs /New Spring Publishing (Admin. by Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing)
Twenty Three
Twenty Three
Psalm 23
The Lord is My Shepherd
I shall not want
He makes me to lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside the still waters
He restores my soul
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake
Yea, though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil
For you are with me
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies
You anoint my head with oil
My cup runs over
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever
New King James Version
© Pirk Music BMI / Sony – ATV/ Songs from Exit 71 ASCAP / Silerland Music (Administered by the Copyright Company) ASCAP
Praise
Musicians / Vocalists
Other Helpful Resources
My husband Tony died from suicide. Chaos of the Heart helped me so much to get through the grief and pain. I listen to it whenever I find myself on the downward side of the roller coaster journey. I have shard the lyrics and website with other survivors. This was a God send for me and I will always be grateful. God bless you for your excellent work.
Susan M., Thomson, GA
Chaos of the Heart is a powerful tool for ministry to suicide survivors.
Steve Grissom, Founder & Executive Director of Grief Share
I just wanted to thank you so much for your music! Four years ago my only brother committed suicide, I was totally devastated. One day I happened to find your site and ordered Chaos of the Heart. The first time I listened to it, the music said everything I was feeling, and the words helped me so much. Your site saved my life. I can now say I am a Survivor of Suicide.
Sandy S.
When my Stepmother commented to me that she didn’t know if the minister would be willing to conduct the funeral service for my Dad it put a seed of doubt in my mind as to what would happen to my Dad’s soul. Chaos of the Heart says that we are not judged by our final act. I got up this morning feeling that the dark cloud that had been hanging over my head was lightening and moving away. I know that I have a long way to go in the grieving and healing process but now I think it can begin – for real.